Chinese was not what I expected to hear every morning

Having started my Japanese classes at the Kyoto International Academy (KIA) only three days after my arrival, I am into my third week of language classes, where I oscillate between feeling completely overwhelmed, just right, or just plain annoyed.

One reason for confusion is that I joined the class for the last 3 weeks of a 3-month semester.  So, there is a lot I have missed.  However, as far as the primary text-book and grammar are concerned, I am in the right place.  Even our listening text book is just about at the right place for me.  There are just a few things that I am no as firm on as I should be (I learned them in my once-a-week night class this year, so I recognize them but can't functionally use them well yet). 

The classes, held for four periods five mornings a week, very much are structured to teach to the books, which in turn very much teach to the government proficiency exams. This means that there is a lot of reading and memorization, but not as much conversation practice as I would like.  I guess I will just be getting that in my every-day life instead.

The second bit of frustration comes from the fact that my class, and the whole school, is catered to the Chinese majority there.  In my class, there is myself, a Russian girl, and 15 Chinese students (one is Chinese-Vietnamese, I think).  Because of this, while most of the grammar and topical text books are catered to the N2 exam level (working towards business-level Japanese and right where I should be), our kanji (Chinese character) texts are all aimed at the N1 exam level, which is full fluency, because the kanji come easily to the Chinese students.  Still a bit rusty from 4 years away from regular Japanese classes, my kanji is a bit behind where I should be, but there is no way I can keep up with a room full of Chinese students.  However, my speaking, grammar, and fluency is already near the top of the class.  Given the amount of reading we do in class, though, I spend a lot of time floundering.  While frustrating, I am learning to come to terms with the fact that I can only work as hard as I am able to at my level.

There are, of course, final exams next Tuesday and Wednesday for the quarter that I only participated in three weeks of.  Thankfully, I have been reassured by the office staff and my teachers that they all know where I'm coming from and I can go on to the next level of Advanced 2 no matter how poorly I do.  Thank goodness they are understanding and that my visa is tied to Ritsumeikan and not KIA.

My classmates are all younger, aiming to pass the government exams and get into college in Japan.  They study for the tests and seem to do well on them, but have little interest in participating in fun topical discussions that our teachers occasionally bring up, as it is not material that will be on a test.  What makes me really cringe, as a former language teacher myself, is all of the rampant cheating on homework that goes on, but even more than that, how much they are all constantly talking to each other in Chinese--to an extent that sometimes I have a hard time hearing the teacher--during class.  I can't stand how disrespectful they are all being.  I also was not prepared for daily Chinese immersion every time I go to school.  Needless to say, I have not made any friends from language school yet, as they are not very interested in chatting with anyone in a language other than Chinese.

Despite all of my complaints, I am learning a lot as I struggle to keep up, and I know I will get a lot out of a year of this.  I just wish the classes were better run with more respectful students.

I am now in the midst of orientation for graduate school, so I am very much looking forward to digging into the classes I am really here for starting next week.

House Hunting

The first week of my being in Japan was largely consumed with house hunting after each morning's Japanese class.  The whole thing was a lengthy learning process in which I didn't really know what I was doing, yet somehow wound up with a very nice little apartment not far from either of my schools.

To start, people generally don't share rooms our houses with housemates, even as students, in Japan.  Similarly, landlords do not market their rooms/houses themselves.  Everything is done through reality offices.  So, hearing advice to this extent, I identified a reality agency near Ritsumeikan that was recommended by the AU study abroad office.  I hunted through their web site for places that looked good, jotted down the names and numbers, and then took my list into the reality agency only three days after landing in Japan.

In hind sight, I fully understand that flicker of a look that said, "oh great, a foreigner," that I saw on my reality agent's face.  That said, Imatomi-san was exceedingly patient and helpful with me for the next week.  Intending just to set up a time to visit houses later, Imatomi-san took me to the top three choices on my list, and I decided right then and there which place I wanted.  The idea was to move in ASAP, but a few things slowed it down.

First, one needs a garunteer, and that person must be in Japan.  I did not find out until much too late that Ritsumeikan University has an office that could have done that for me, so I was floundering a bit.  A friend from church who is about my mother's age volunteered to help me with apartment things, but as soon as I give her contact info and Chinese name, although she has been living in Japan for almost as long as I have been alive, they would not take her as a garunteer.  So I quickly asked the pastor of my church here if he would put his name down for me, assuring him that my Boren Fellowship meant that I would never have to default on payments.

The next crisis was that all of my initial payments needed to be made in cash.  While my little apartment is about $300 per month (after DC, that is such a relief!), the initial deposits, key money, and down-payments amounted to more than five times that amount.  As one could guess, that is more than my overseas daily withdrawal limit would allow even over the course of a few days.

So, enter phone complications.  Almost immediately upon arriving in Japan, I attempted to go get a phone, and was told that there was no way they could sell me a phone plan without me having an address.  Meanwhile, the reality agency really wanted me to have a phone number in order to get an apartment.  I managed to talk them into letting me use my Chinese friends' phone number as my emergency contact address, because it was clear the phone company wasn't going to budge.

They did send me back one more time once I had decided on a house address, but the bank still wouldn't give me a phone, as it was not registered to me on the back of my foreigner ID card, nor did I have a student ID card yet (and no, that acceptance letter was not a sufficient replacement).

That did mean I had no easy way to contact my bank.  Thank goodness for skype calls.  That problem fixed, I had the cash, so I was ready to finish signing everything for my apartment.  However, when the reality agency asked to see my bank passbook to prove that I had sufficient money still in there, we discovered that American banks don't have passbooks, and that I needed a Japanese bank account in order to sign for the apartment.

At this point I cracked.  I found my way to the international student support center at Ritsumeikan and laid out all of my questions and confusions.  I discovered that, in order to get a bank account, I needed a national insurance card, which I would need to register my residence for.  So, off to the Kyoto Kita-ku ward office I went to register my residence and get national insurance.  That took a few hours, but once I was done, I hurried back to the post office bank (the most ubiquitous bank in Japan is the post office) near to school and arrived all of 5 minutes before it closed, to open a bank account.  I deposited a bunch of money, logged it on my passbook, then took that to the reality agency, who seemed finally pleased with me.

However, that was not all fast enough.  I had to check out of my hostel on Friday morning and was leaving town for the weekend.  I would not be able to move in until Monday.  My language school was good enough to store two of my big bags for the weekend while I took the other two with me.

Monday came, I rolled off the night bus in the early morning, went to class, and as soon as class was over, I hauled two of my big bags to the reality office.  The confused look on Imatomi-san's face told me immediately that I was supposed to have gone straight to my apartment that day myself, but I will blame the language barrier on that one.  Fortunately, the office had a car, and he drove me there to meet my landlord, who turned out to be a landlady, much to my surprise.  From there, I dropped off my bags and walked the 1.5 miles back to school to grab my last two bags and back.

Japanese rooms are measured by tatami mat size, and mine is a 6-mat one-room apartment.  That is, it's about as small as they come and still have their own bathroom and 'kitchen.'  I say 'kitchen' because it is really a sink and a single electric burner (which is smarter than me; it only turns on when a non-empty stainless steel pan is on it.  I had to ask my landlady to help me figure out how to use it today.  While my frying pan makes it mad, thank goodness I got a sauce pan and a tea pot with stainless steel bottoms) with a couple of cabinets.  I will have to get myself some more storage and a fridge.

The bathroom is as big as some showers and is all one seamless plastic room with a shower-like door on the outside.  There is just one tap, which can be turned from the sink into the tub or triggered to spout out through the shower instead.

As to the rest of the room, it has two large windows, being a corner room, wood floors, a shoe cabinet at the door, and two lovely closets.  It was the storage in this place that really made me fall in love with it.

(Sarah models my futon for me)

However, when I first moved in, all I had was a sleeping bag on a bare floor and three suitcases.  For better or for worse, my friend Sarah arrived for her visit the very next day after I moved in.  Our first job was to find bedding and other housing supplies so we weren't both sleeping on the bare floor.  Luckily for us, the department store near my house had  a sale on futon mattresses, so we got both layers and walked them back to the apartment.  On the way, we stumbled across a tiny neighborhood used furniture store, where we ran back out to get my a little desk and chair for a very reasonable price.  The owner even put them in the back of her mini van and drove us the two blocks back to my apartment.  I will be going back there for more furniture and appliances later this month, I foresee.  The kitchen was mostly furnished by a dollar store.  Japanese 100 yen stores have very nice things.

Mid-week, I realized another battle I had to struggle through as a foreigner.  I did not know how to throw out my trash.  Japan is very particular about sorting trash for burning, recycling, etc, and the lengthy explanation sheet my landlady gave me was a bit hard to read.  So, today, I finally had the courage to go down to her office and ask someone to show me how to throw things away.  There is one bin for plastic bottles, cans, and glass, one bin for other plastics, and one bin for other burnable garbage (which must be put in a special yellow bag that I need to go find from a local convenience store... I felt pretty stupid throwing my food trash on the curb last Friday with the other yellow bags in my 7-11 bag).

The adventure continues.  I am still waiting on orientation next week so I can get my student ID, so I can get a phone, have access to the school computer labs, and get an internet connection of my own here.  For now, I am using a very limited free wifi hotspot.

There are still a number of things I still do not understand and still need to do for my house, but this is at least a start.

Starting again in a new place

Well, it's been a while.  Five days ago I landed at the Kansai International Airport and have been finding my feet for my new life in Kyoto ever since (with a few leaps and stumbles here and there).

What am I doing here and how did I get here in the first place?

I am currently mid-way through an international dual masters degree program with American University: School of International Service and Ritsumeikan University: Graduate School of International Relations, studying international development and global cooperation, respectively.  I finished my year at American University, and now I am in Kyoto, about to start my Ritsumeikan year.  After that is done, I'll need to return to DC to wrap up my SRP (substantial research paper) at AU, but I will have two masters degrees when I am done with all this.  My semester with Ritsumeikan starts during the last week of September, but I am here early, getting my feet on the ground and starting language classes.

Of course, being a full-time graduate student and a half-time language student sounds a bit like a silly idea, but I am full of silly ideas like this.  This is also a part of my Boren Fellowship, so while silly, it is financed, and it means that I do get to improve my language skills while I am here.

Followers of this blog from when I was in India may already have noticed that I have re-branded the blog as "Where is your village?" after a conversation I had with a little boy when I was living in India.  He followed me down the road one day as I was returning home from work and he was leaving school.  He caught up with me and wanted to ask where I was from, but asked, instead, "Where is your village?" which really took me aback, as I did not really have a good answer for him.  Even since returning from India, finding my own place in the world, wherever I happen to be, has been a very conscious journey for me.  Now, in Japan, it is even more at the fore-front of my mind.

Consider this the re-launch of my travel blog.  I will have thoughts on apartment hunting, phone buying, rainy weather, and a class full of Chinese students soon.

You can't take the American out of the American

It's funny how, traveling around the world, I found myself being such an apologetic American. 

"I'm sorry for how rude other Americans you have met are." 
"I'm sorry for all of the American policies you don't agree with." 
"I'm sorry that I'm huge and clumsy and clueless and just getting in the way."

It's easy to get that way as you are trying to make a good impression.  It's easy to wish, "If only I could be less American, then maybe I would fit in better."  It took some time after coming back from Asia for me to really come to terms with the fact, that I am glad to have been born in America, for all that's worth, and that being American is a huge part of my identity, for all of the Asian-isms that I have absorbed.  It is even a part of me that I am proud of and don't want to let go of.

For an example, I am proud to be an American feminist, from a long line of feminist women.  The support structure I have had growing up as I tried to prove that powerful, intelligent women have just as much to contribute to society as men, through their own, unique feminine perspective, is unlike anywhere else.  Every country has their own dynamics, and my feminist, tree-hugging upbringing has made me into the confident, supported individual I am today.

I have seen many people enter a country and try to become just like the people who were born and raised there; Americans trying to act like Chinese people while they lived in China, and so on.  I don't want to look down on that, as I have tried to do that myself, but always fell short, because, let's face it, I'm not actually Asian. 

Learning Japanese, a big part of picking up the language is learning the appropriate idiomatic phrases and levels of formality so that you do not offend the person you are speaking to.  It's both a linguistic and cultural study.  Your learn to be self-abasing, indirect, and hopeful rather than confident.  Through my years of Japanese study, I have gotten very good at this, as those are just the phrases you use.  I wouldn't even think of saying things with certainty.  And, honestly, I am not sure how.

At work the other day, I had to show around a visiting professor from Ritsumeikan University, where I plan to pursue my dual-degree next fall.  (Just look at all that certainty in my English!)  I am currently in the middle of the application process, but I was told that in the past, the application is just a formality and everyone who applies gets in. 

As I was showing Dr. Kimijima to his meeting, he remembered who I was and asked about my plans to go to Ritsumeikan.  (We were speaking in English here because my formal Japanese has gotten rusty, so I figured it would be less offensive to speak in English rather than in less formal Japanese.)  I confidentially replied that I was looking forward to go in the fall.  He was very taken aback, asking if it was already decided that I was in, or if I knew I was the top candidate.  It then hit me that although we were speaking English, he was still expecting conversation to be indirect, Japanese-style, and I was every bit the confident American that I had been raised to be, without the Japanese language to filter that out.  Too late to salvage the conversation, I had to admit, that no, I wasn't accepted to yet, but that I was very hopeful I would be.  Still, it made me sound rude.  (The appropriate Japanese here translates to something like "It would be good if I could be accepted, but..." or even "I plan to go, but...")

Language can help filter some of your identity, but you could no more easily take the American out of me than you could take the Japanese out of Dr. Kimijima.

JJL

When you look at my face, what do you see?

When you hear my voice, what do you hear?

今は？

और अब?

नहीं। मैं जापानी नहीं हुँ। मेरा मूँ देखो।

But just as my accent can’t match my face,

My face tells so little.

When you ask me where I’m from—

                I hate that question,

                I really do—

“Minnesota” can’t tell the whole story.

      (And you’ll want to know why I don’t have that accent)

Then I say:

     Minnesota

          via

               India

                   via

                       LA

                            with

                                  Some Japan in the middle

And you’ll give me that wide-eyed stare

      (It’s the same stare when I said, “I study math and East Asian studies.”)

You admit,                                                          distantly

                                                                                     “You must lead an interesting life.”

      (“That’s an interesting combination.”)

      (“So I’m told.”)

So I’m told.

But I rush at that old curse:

                “May your life be interesting.”

and embrace it with both arms.

Now, how can I not?

But even that long trail

      that dotted line on a map

          it cannot tell you how

               each footstep

                    each stair climbed

                         each stumble on a moonless Himalayan night

                              made me into something new.

Did you know it’s easier to say リンディキ  or   लिन्डकी

                 Than it is to actually say my name?

                 I can count on an Indian or a 日本人 to say it right on the first try.

   I like the way it sounds when you call me जेन्ना।

   It’s not a name change

   It’s the same

   Just in a different context

                                                                                                 (Am I the same me?)

                                                                                        (Just in a different context?)

     Will you judge me by my habits

     when I act outside of my race?

                         outside of my ethnicity?

                         I want to tell you

                         But I don’t want to admit

朝ご飯はご飯かपुराण्ताが好き。

実は、यह कमीज़ एक कुर्ता है।

布団पर寝る。

                                Not a “futon”, a「ふとん」。

                                There’s a difference.

                                No, I’m not trying to sound pretentious,

                                I just say it that way to differentiate between—

                                                                                                                  never mind.

बहुत लोग फ़र्श पर सोनते हैं।

अजिब नहीं है।

変じゃないよ。

right?

Identity.

What do I project to you?

What do you project on me?

How do I express what I don’t know how to say in words?

            言葉いっぱい知っているのに。みとめられたいなぁ。

       मैं सोचती थी कि जब मेरा देश वापस जाऊँ,

       मैं सब कुछ बता सकूँ।

If only.

    It’s only gotten harder.

When, like an infant, I find the insufficiency of my monosyllabic mumbling come to a breaking point,

                    I will sing a wordless melody

                    For a moment

                    I will understand

                    lost in the music

When I meet you,

                     friend,

That person who understands                   (without words)

I will cling to you

                        your community

and never let go

       never let go

Until the currents of life

                 the tides

                 the spinning of this earth from day into night

　　　　流れている天の川

throws me to the wind

                    to my new ‘home’

And I will say

     “I’m from Minnesota via Oberlin via India va LA via DC via Japan.”

You stare.

That’s not the answer you wanted.

आप का गाँव कहाँ है?

I wish I knew.

I wish I knew…

Leave Taking

Well, tomorrow I'm leaving.

I really can't figure out just what it is I'm feeling about it. I guess the process of packing up and saying goodbye is stressful. After Kansai Gaidai and Oberlin, you would think I'd be completely used to the hopeful “see you again some day” while not really knowing if that's really true. I'm better at it now than I used to be, but it still drags me down. I have met so many lovely people here who I'm not sure if I'll ever see again. Just yesterday, when I was picking up a few last gifts from the tailor, he asked when I would be coming back, and I said that I'd be back someday and would see him then. He pointed out that he is seventy now and may be 'gone above' by the time I come back.

On Monday, the Khaniyara Knowledge Center team through a surprise party for me and Vandana, who is leaving only a few weeks after me. I knew about it, because they had to tell me to make sure I would walk up the mountain to the center that day at lunch time, but Vandana didn't. As Vandana worked hard all day, they decorated the back room with streamers, a picnic blanket and flowers. They even secretly went off and cooked some food at someone's house close by.

When the time came, they led us into the room, everyone sitting in a circle. We sang some songs, and ate cake. Of course, by Indian tradition, the cake had to be smeared all over everyone's faces after feeding each other a bite, all the while, they were playing the Macarena on repeat for background music. They gave both Vandana and I gifts, and then served an awesome feast for lunch. I was so happy just to be there with them again in that Knowledge Center. I spent the vast majority of my time here working with that team. And now, I can communicate with them better than ever. It was really sweet.

Today was our official farewell party with Jagori. As I had never worn a sari before, I decided that today would be the day. I enlisted Dr. Kusum to help me learn how to wear one this weekend, and then practiced a bit for today. I stayed up late last night and worked all morning on little notes for all forty members of the Jagori team, thanking them all and wishing them well. Good Hindi practice, but exhausting.



Pretty much the whole team came. More songs were sung, cake was eaten, and little speeches were made. Both Kamla and Abha were back for it too. I brought out the completed 1000 cranes and explained them to everyone. Especially the people who helped me were really excited to see them all done. There were lots of hugs, and it was just so wonderful to see everyone in one place one last time.



Tonight is my last night in my house here. The walls are stripped bare. Most everything is packed. Seeing my room so empty almost makes me feel empty. This was my life for two years. It was my first time stepping out, acting like an adult (mostly?), and living on my own. Now I'm going back to who-knows-what. At some moments, it's bittersweet, at others, it's numbing.

Like it or not (and I'm not sure which), I am leaving on a night bus tomorrow night. I still have errands to run and goodbyes to say tomorrow before then. From Delhi, I'm flying to Tokyo via Sri Lanka. I will get on a night bus from Tokyo and go up to Ishinomaki, which is north of Sendai (and well out of the nuclear danger zone). There, I will spend a couple of days shoveling tsunami sludge with JEN and will find someone to give our cranes to. I am hoping to give them to this school. After a little time in Tokyo, I will at last be heading back to America.

I don't know what to think or feel about all of this.

Easter in India

Happy Easter everyone! He is risen!

Yesterday, I found myself pondering just how I would make Easter a special day, as pretty much the only Christian in the village. I was struck by two ideas. First, I should throw an Easter party and invite all of my English-speaking friends. What better way to spend the day than making food for and serving people I love? On top of that, I had been meaning to invite them all over for a while, and time is running out. Plus, I was able to use the party to introduce Nesaru and Lilyane to important people in the community of foreigners. And, it was kind of a farewell party I could throw for myself.

Second, I decided that I needed to have an Easter egg hunt. Last time I visited Brian and Sonia, they had given me three eggs from their chickens. So, I boiled those eggs, borrowed Vandana's markers, and decorated them. (You would be amazed at just how many web sites there are out there which answer the Google query of “how to boil an egg.”)



And then in the morning, I hid them.



The time it took me to brush my teeth and wash my face in the morning was hardly long enough for me to forget where I put them, so it was not a long search.

After eating my eggs, I had a little Easter Sunday service for myself. I read all four Gospel's accounts of the Resurrection and then sung and worshiped along with a recording of OCF singing “In Christ Alone.” It was a good start to my Easter.

Other than preparing for the party in the evening, I decided that I would take a real Sabbath and not do anything even resembling work. The next eleven days until I leave are sure to be stressful, crazy, and emotional. I needed this oasis of lovely calm before plunging into that. Although, I did need to go down to Sidhbari and take a bus four stops down to Sheela Chowk to find carrots for my curry, and I bought the vender all out of carrots too. It's not carrot season any more, I guess.

I spent the afternoon peacefully embroidering and then cooked my curry and chocolate cake, finishing just as the first of my guests arrived. I had to borrow chairs from both Vandana and Dr. Kusum, but we got a nice circle of chairs out on my porch while we chatted and had dinner. Maya brought a lovely salad (when you live in India and can't trust most fresh produce, a good salad is a heavenly thing) and a pineapple up-side-down-cake. Kishwar brought some Sprite. Didi brought herself, which was quite a lot of work for her to walk all the way up to my house in itself, so I was really glad she came. Dr. Kusum came up with some raita (spicy yogurt salad thingy). Lilyane and Pia brought juice with them. Andrew and Nesaru trickled in with some olives and a big 2 candle for my cake (celebrating two years here). Brian had some web site work to do, so he and Sonia came rather late, but they brought ice cream and a chocolate bunny with them. The bunny was Swiss chocolate and had been blessed by a prominent Tibetan monk. With all that, it was a feast and a party. And my, do I have left-overs.

I really had a great time seeing everyone and hosting them. After all the hospitality all of them have shown me, I really leaped at a chance to give back. This was almost certainly the last time I will see Nesaru. Before I leave, even, he is taking off for a vacation, traveling around India. We parted on very good terms, and I'm glad for that. The rest of these people I am sure I will see at least once more. Kishwar and Maya are talking about having a goodbye tea party later this week, and I've still got plenty of work to do with Lilyane on the web site. Dr. Kusum is going to cook me dinner next Sunday, and I think Sonia and I still have a date for cooking together.

If I'm not careful, it's easy to get overwhelmed with all I have to do and all I want to do before I go, but amidst that, I can't forget all of those people who have made my experience here what it was.

All in all, it was a beautiful Easter.