I really can't figure out just what it is I'm feeling about it. I guess the process of packing up and saying goodbye is stressful. After Kansai Gaidai and Oberlin, you would think I'd be completely used to the hopeful “see you again some day” while not really knowing if that's really true. I'm better at it now than I used to be, but it still drags me down. I have met so many lovely people here who I'm not sure if I'll ever see again. Just yesterday, when I was picking up a few last gifts from the tailor, he asked when I would be coming back, and I said that I'd be back someday and would see him then. He pointed out that he is seventy now and may be 'gone above' by the time I come back.
On Monday, the Khaniyara Knowledge Center team through a surprise party for me and Vandana, who is leaving only a few weeks after me. I knew about it, because they had to tell me to make sure I would walk up the mountain to the center that day at lunch time, but Vandana didn't. As Vandana worked hard all day, they decorated the back room with streamers, a picnic blanket and flowers. They even secretly went off and cooked some food at someone's house close by.
When the time came, they led us into the room, everyone sitting in a circle. We sang some songs, and ate cake. Of course, by Indian tradition, the cake had to be smeared all over everyone's faces after feeding each other a bite, all the while, they were playing the Macarena on repeat for background music. They gave both Vandana and I gifts, and then served an awesome feast for lunch. I was so happy just to be there with them again in that Knowledge Center. I spent the vast majority of my time here working with that team. And now, I can communicate with them better than ever. It was really sweet.
Today was our official farewell party with Jagori. As I had never worn a sari before, I decided that today would be the day. I enlisted Dr. Kusum to help me learn how to wear one this weekend, and then practiced a bit for today. I stayed up late last night and worked all morning on little notes for all forty members of the Jagori team, thanking them all and wishing them well. Good Hindi practice, but exhausting.
Pretty much the whole team came. More songs were sung, cake was eaten, and little speeches were made. Both Kamla and Abha were back for it too. I brought out the completed 1000 cranes and explained them to everyone. Especially the people who helped me were really excited to see them all done. There were lots of hugs, and it was just so wonderful to see everyone in one place one last time.
Tonight is my last night in my house here. The walls are stripped bare. Most everything is packed. Seeing my room so empty almost makes me feel empty. This was my life for two years. It was my first time stepping out, acting like an adult (mostly?), and living on my own. Now I'm going back to who-knows-what. At some moments, it's bittersweet, at others, it's numbing.
Like it or not (and I'm not sure which), I am leaving on a night bus tomorrow night. I still have errands to run and goodbyes to say tomorrow before then. From Delhi, I'm flying to Tokyo via Sri Lanka. I will get on a night bus from Tokyo and go up to Ishinomaki, which is north of Sendai (and well out of the nuclear danger zone). There, I will spend a couple of days shoveling tsunami sludge with JEN and will find someone to give our cranes to. I am hoping to give them to this school. After a little time in Tokyo, I will at last be heading back to America.
I don't know what to think or feel about all of this.
