When you look at my face,
what do you see?
When you hear my voice,
what do you hear?
今は？
और अब?
नहीं। मैं जापानी नहीं हुँ। मेरा मूँ देखो।
But just as my accent can’t
match my face,
My face tells so little.
When you ask me where I’m
from—
I hate that question,
I really do—
“Minnesota” can’t tell
the whole story.
(And you’ll want to know why I don’t have
that accent)
Then I say:
Minnesota
via
India
via
LA
with
Some Japan in
the middle
And you’ll give me that
wide-eyed stare
(It’s the same stare when I said, “I
study math and East Asian studies.”)
You admit, distantly
“You
must lead an interesting life.”
(“That’s an interesting combination.”)
(“So I’m told.”)
So I’m told.
But I rush at that old
curse:
“May your life be interesting.”
and embrace it with both
arms.
Now, how can I not?
But even that long trail
that dotted line on a map
it cannot tell you how
each footstep
each stair climbed
each stumble on a
moonless Himalayan night
made me into
something new.
Did you know it’s easier
to say リンディキ or लिन्डकी
Than it is to actually say my
name?
I can count on an Indian or a 日本人 to say it right on the first try.
I like the way it sounds when you call me जेन्ना।
It’s not a name change
It’s the same
Just in a different context
(Am
I the same me?)
(Just in a different context?)
Will you judge me by my habits
when
I act outside of my race?
outside
of my ethnicity?
I want to tell you
But I don’t want to admit
朝ご飯はご飯かपुराण्ताが好き。
実は、यह कमीज़ एक कुर्ता है।
布団पर寝る。
Not a “futon”, a「ふとん」。
There’s a difference.
No, I’m not trying to sound
pretentious,
I just say it that way to
differentiate between—
never
mind.
बहुत लोग फ़र्श पर सोनते हैं।
अजिब नहीं है।
変じゃないよ。
right?
Identity.
What do I project to you?
What do you project on
me?
How do I express what I
don’t know how to say in words?
言葉いっぱい知っているのに。みとめられたいなぁ。
मैं सोचती थी कि जब मेरा देश वापस जाऊँ,
मैं
सब कुछ बता सकूँ।
If only.
It’s only gotten harder.
When, like an infant, I
find the insufficiency of my monosyllabic mumbling come to a breaking point,
I will sing a wordless melody
For a moment
I will understand
lost in the music
When I meet you,
friend,
That person who understands (without words)
I will cling to you
your community
and never let go
never let go
Until the currents of
life
the tides
the spinning of this earth
from day into night
流れている天の川
throws me to the wind
to my new ‘home’
And I will say
“I’m from Minnesota via Oberlin via India
va LA via DC via Japan.”
You stare.
That’s not the answer you
wanted.
आप का गाँव कहाँ है?
I wish I knew.
I wish I knew…
